Cavaliers Oust Magic; Parallel Universe NBA Finals to Tip Off Tomorrow

by Turkmenbashi on Jun 3, 2009 9:11 PM CDT in 2009 NBA Playoffs Comment 8 comments

More photos » by Jack Dempsey - AP

In the parallel universe, Beef tastes like chicken

As we're all aware by now, the Horsemen of the Basketball Apocalypse overcame near impossible odds and dispatched Orlando's Disney Darlings in an epic Game 7 showdown this past Monday. LeBron James was in full Kerosene mode, dropping 50/13/12 while Bizarro Howard fouled out with ten minutes to go in the third quarter. The NBA Finals are scheduled to start tomorrow night at the Q, with our Cavs firing on all cylinders and looking to take down the Purple People Eaters of LA.

Problem is, no one seems to be covering the Finals this year.

Everywhere I look, I see coverage of a Magic/Lakers Finals. Is this a joke? Some kind of conspiracy, denying Clevelanders the chance to watch the Cavs deliver a title? Nope. Apparently,everyone has fallen victim to the latest technological craze (I can't explain it, but I think it has something to do with Twitter) that allows media outlets to tap into parallel universes. Figures. We waltz into the playoff with the best team in the league, all but guaranteed a championship, and ESPN is denying us the right to watch the festivities. Oh well, it's pretty obvious we're going to sweep the whole thing. Everybody knows we're damn near unstoppable. This is just another example of everyone hating our terrible, cursed city. So given the unfortunate turn of events, I guess we might as well take a look at the televised series while we're waiting for the parade down Euclid Ave.

The Parallel Magic will head into the Parallel Staples Center tomorrow night looking to take down Parallel Kobe Bryant who, in this universe, is apparently not an arrogant whiner who can't win championships without Shaq. I predict Bizarro (Dwight "Superman" Howard in this universe) and crew are going to face tougher competition against Parallel LA's longer, more athletic bigs and deep bench.

Parallel Lakers in 6.

Poll

Who ya got?

Disney Darlings

57 votes

Purple People Eaters

55 votes

I can't figure out how to get the parallel universe broadcasts

47 votes

159 votes | Poll has closed

0 recs | Comment 8 comments | Share

Story-email Email Printer Print

Comments

Stop! It makes me sad.

Lakers in 5

Welcome to Smashville, Tennessee.
Official Graphic Designer/Researcher of MCM.

by smashville on Jun 3, 2009 9:14 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Coping mechanisms…

Ride on ye fearsome Horsemen of the Basketball Apocalypse. We got this.

by Turkmenbashi on Jun 3, 2009 9:16 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Satire is a good tool

Evil Cowtown Inc: Screwin' Suckaz over since Nineteen Eighty-Five.....

No mistakes in the tango, darling. Not like life. Simple. That's what makes the tango so great. If you make a mistake, and get all tangled up, you just tango on.....

by pookeyguru on Jun 3, 2009 9:50 PM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Maybe after tomorrow people will SHUT UP about LeBron and questioning his character, but I doubt it. To the media, anything potentially negative to slam the greatest specimen to ever grace the NBA hardwood is worth reporting.

by Simmsinns on Jun 4, 2009 1:07 AM CDT reply actions 0 recs

Well you gotta take the good with the bad

I’m sure there were no complaints after Game 2 when Lebron’s shot was shown over and over and over and over for pretty much the duration of the series. When you’re a mega-star, the shelf-life of stories lasts a lot longer. That goes for the good and the bad.

by Lee for three on Jun 4, 2009 12:03 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Good point. But considering the Cavs lost the series, the Game 2 shot will forever be known as utterly useless in the long run (Which I’d been saying since the day after it happened).

But there was a definite significant drop in the number of repeated re-runs of that highlight when the series ended.

by Simmsinns on Jun 4, 2009 3:37 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs

Oh I agree

I was just making the point that when you are as big of a star as Lebron James is…things tend to linger more in the media. That goes for the good and the bad.

by Lee for three on Jun 4, 2009 6:31 PM CDT up reply actions 0 recs