Now there's a title that's sure to guarantee that there's a very intriguing fanpost below. Forget fanposts about the Olympics, Valentine's Day, the All-Star Weekend, Cavs trade rumors, and boring stuff like that.
As a kid, I loved Tom and Jerry. The music was wonderful, the slapstick was funny, and the cartoon format worked great. One day, I saw Tom and Jerry: The Movie. In a nutshell, it was...off. It didn't make any attempt to capture the spirit or humor of the cartoon show, opting instead to spin an entirely different adventure-type plot. But even more disturbing, Tom and Jerry TALK in that movie. Makes you wonder if the name "Tom and Jerry" was just slapped on for marketing purposes, since the filmmakers clearly weren't interested in the characters.
Now what on earth does this have to do with the Cleveland Cavaliers? One thing I enjoy when it comes to a list of teams or players in any competition, be it sports or fighting video games or whatever, is giving each team a theme song. Now, the one thing I remember most from Tom and Jerry: The Movie was its soundtrack. There are six cheesy songs in the movie, each sung by different characters, as if each character gets their own theme. Listening to them, I started thinking about assigning each song to an NBA team. I made each choice depending on the mood of the song, and matching it with my feelings towards that team and its fanbase. It turned out to be a lot of fun. Sometimes I play a team's theme song whenever I visit their SBNation blog.
The first song is "Friends to the End". Tom and Jerry sing in this song, and judging by the title, it's your typical song for a protagonist. Since the Cavs are the only good guys in the NBA, this song belongs exclusively to them:
The second song is "What do We Care". A gang of alley cats sing this one, and it's nasty, rough, and mean-spirited. This song is best-suited for a team that has lots of animosity towards us, both the team and the fanbase. I'm talking lots of trash-talking and whining. Like Washington. Or Atlanta:
The third song is "Money is such a beautiful word". You can tell right away this is the main antagonist's song. There's no team this song belongs to more than the Los Angeles Lakers. The team and their fans are just like the antagonists of the movie: rich, spoiled, entrenched, greedy, and supremely confident:
The fourth song is "I Miss You". It's the token somber song. I can imagine teams like the Clippers, New Jersey, and Minnesota singing it. They've been drowning in sorrow and despair all season. LA misses Elton Brand, New Jersey misses Jason Kidd, and Minnesota misses Kevin Garnett:
The fifth song is "God's Little Creatures". It's another evil song about getting rich, but this bad guy is way more comical and way less threatening. This song is good for the Boston Celtics, huge villains but currently on the decline:
The sixth and final song is "I've Done it All". It involves a character singing about his life story as a theater performer. If he were an NBA team, he'd be the Orlando Magic or Phoenix Suns, who like to show off with their insane ability to shoot threes and score lots of points in hurry:
One more thing: If you are interested, I would not recommend seeing Tom and Jerry: the Movie. It works for kids in elementary school, but anyone older probably won't be amused by it. Tom and Jerry was a kid's show to begin with, but it found a way to touch all audiences. People who grew up with Tom and Jerry will not enjoy this movie because of how far off it skews from what we remember from the classic cartoon.