I: Hi there Chris Grant, thanks for giving me a few minutes.
I manged to catch up with Chris Grant and grab a few words with him on a busy draft night. Below is an excerpt from an interview
CG: No problem. Before we get started I wold like to take this opportunity to announce that the first 10,000 fans to every Cavs game next season will get a voucher for a free meal from White Castle.
I: Well that sounds like a great promo, how did this partnership come about?
CG: Well we figured its only polite to buy someone dinner when you are f***ing them as regularly as we do our fans and WC was the perfect partner as those dumb schmucks will eat anything we shovel at them anyway.
I: Great, well could you tell us a little about the thought process that went into your surprise pick at the #4 spot today?
CG: Well to fully explain why we did what we did you need to understand some history. The Cavs organization has an unparallelled track record of building up their fans and then dumping all over them. The pinnacle achievement so far was the release of Carlos Boozer shortly after Lebron James' rookie season. The move was so sublimely brilliant as it not only sucked all the hope out of a fan base while dumping a young, cheap and talented player but it also made the player out as the target of the fans' frustration! They didn't even blame the organization! Truly a coup.
With this in mind and knowing that the combination of Irving's successful rookie campaign coupled with last seasons 4th pick and the 4th, 24th, 33rd and 34th selections in this, one of the deepest drafts in recent memory, would lead to a fever pitch of excitement for the fan base. We started our plan by fanning the flames on every prospect. We brought in Thomas Robinson to compete with Andre Drummond one on one. We made offers for the #1 pick that never could, and never would, be accepted. We discussed trading up to the #2 spot, trading down to #6 and 11. We fueled fantasies about landing two top ten picks. It was playing to perfection and then it was nearly disastrous.
I: Why? What happened?
CG: Somebody leaked that we were actually interested in a guy we were going to select! It was supposed to be a complete shock but the fans ran with it! They took it as a sign that we had a deal in place to move back into the lottery and pair him with a terrific SF or a ridiculously athletic C prospect. It actually increased the excitement to add another name to the mix! Can you imagine the feeling of thinking the guy you are going to get with your 2nd pick- the guy you build up to be a perfect fit where his defensive liabilities, to put it mildly, will be offset by the terrific defender you took in the four spot, only to suddenly realize all of the holes in his game that you have been rationalizing away as the 3rd or 4th best option is now the #2 player on your team. And you don't even have time to soak it all in as player after higher rated player is taken and you can only think with dread about how if ANY ONE of the next 10 picks is even an all-star you will be reminded of it every single time his name is mentioned for the next 10 years. As a kicker we decided to use the pick on the least valuable position in basketball just so our savvier fans (but honestly they are Cavs fans, so how savvy can they be) would feel it just a little bit more.
I: Wow, that is an intricate plan! Is the trade for Zeller along a similar line of thought?
CG: Really we were to exhausted and just did the single dumbest thing you can do in an NBA draft- trade all of your picks to grab a 7 foot white guy. Its a classic to be sure but we didn't have anything original left in the tank.
I: Well I can see you need your rest, thanks for your time. Any parting remarks for Cavs fans out there?
CG: Yes! Thanks for your support, I hope you fully appreciate the last 2 good years of Varejao's career and fighting for the 8th seed in the playoffs until Irving forces his way out of Cleveland due to frustration! If we are lucky there will be some injuries along the way that we can blame for our lack of development and we will hold onto our front office positions long enough to blow many drafts in the future. I especially look forward to topping the Jiri Welsch trade