Fear The Sword Mailbag #3! Featuring Cavs' Trade Speculation, Sam Cassell's Big Balls Dance, and Rob Ford

Benny Sieu-USA TODAY Sports

This week's edition of the mailbag features potential trade options for the Cavs, which team has caught my eye most so far in the early going of the NBA season, and what the heck is going on in RobFordland.

The Cavs are 2-3. I've gotten yelled at about Anthony Bennett a lot, Kyrie looks like he's back to being Kyrie, and my professor is talking about severed heads right now. I can't plausibly envision better circumstances to write my next mailbag!

Would the Cavs be willing to shop one of their young players like Thompson or Waiters for a vet?

-@KingBobbyTrill

I've seen a lot of articles saying the Cavaliers have many/the most assets for a big trade? Who do you think they might target with those?

-Erik Myers

It's possible? I don't think Thompson will be shopped. Even though I think his value around the league is starting to actually catch up to his skill level, I think the Cavaliers know what they have there. I'd be surprised if he's moved. Dion Waiters, Tyler Zeller, Sergey Karasev, and Bennett obviously hold value. The goal is ultimately to get a second star next to Kyrie Irving. I just have no idea what to think will come available. Do the Blazers fall out of contention and dangle LaMarcus Aldridge? Could Memphis be a wreck and shop Zach Randolph? What about more middling guys like Rudy Gay and Luol Deng?

(Meanwhile my teacher is now talking about the birthing process. This is a film financing class, by the way. I'm confused.)

I just think it might be a little early to speculate. Gotta see who's going to be in the playoff picture and who falls off. Even though a lot of teams are "tanking," there are still an inordinate amount of teams trying to compete. It's a weird dichotomy that will break itself up by midseason and we'll find out more then.

On the adorableness scale of Sam Cassell to Ricky Rubio, where would you rate Sergey the Sniper and why?

-Wade Foley

I'd probably go closer to the Ricky Rubio side of things, but if Karasev starts doing this after making threes he'd be the best thing Russia has ever produced:

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(shout out to LegionReport for having those on file.)

(I should also mention I'm now home and listening to "Pony" by Ginuwine. I literally cannot envision a better song for Cassell to do the Big Balls Dance to.)

Which team other than the Sixers has caught your eye most this season?

-Jacob Rosen

The Sixers are a super fun story that is eventually going to run it's course. The answer is undoubtedly the Pacers because they are in god-mode. Paul George is taking the leap, and Roy Hibbert might be my MVP of the first five games this season. Some stats that Conrad dug up:

He's also averaging five blocks per game. FIVE. Like, Hibbert is so, so, so good right now. The five blocks per game obviously won't last as it's a small sample size. But it's been a fun five games for Roy. Their defense has been smothering to this point. Their offense is rolling. They're going to be very good this season. They've become my favorite to win the Central after being a massive Chicago fan coming into the season.

Who would you rather have, long term, next to Kyrie Irving: Terrence Ross, Jeremy Lamb, or Dion Waiters?

-David Zavac

David's literally just trying to get me in trouble at this point. He's trying to goad me into saying something stupid. I WILL NOT FALL FOR YOUR GAMES, ZAVAC.

The answer is still Waiters just because he's simply the most talented. I'm a massive Jeremy Lamb fan and I have been since his days at Connecticut. I actually thought he'd end up being a better NBA player than Kemba Walker during his freshman season. I love the idea of his complimentary game playing well with Irving. If Lamb puts his mind to it, he can be a healthy Eric Gordon-type player. As far as Ross is concerned, I think he has the most defensive potential of the bunch and I really like what Mike Brown could do with him on that end. He has excellent potential to become a super athletic 3-and-D guy.

I like both of these players better next to Irving as far as fit is concerned. But Waiters has just shown a lot more to this point. He's the safer pick. I'm not totally confident on this selection, and I think it's under 50% that he ends up being the best of the three. If you made me give arbitrary odds on which of the three ends up being the best player, I'd say 42% Waiters, 33% Lamb, 25% Ross. So I'm far from confident, but I'd still comfortably select Waiters.

Does anyone in the association have a chance at dethroning Jordan Farmar?

-@Richlew1s

Uhhhh.....maybe? Omri Casspi is coming close to dethroning him as best player with a Jewish heritage? Gal Mekel is pretty fun in Dallas. Yotam Halperin never made it unfortunately. Maybe the Wolves eventually bring over Lior Eliyahu? Doug Gottlieb's a bit too busy trolling people. I have no idea what to take away from this question outside of that.

But really, Farmar should probably be starting for the Lakers, so I hope he's able to dethrone Steve Blake at some point.

Which trade makes more sense for the Pelicans: Omer Asik for Ryan Anderson or Luol Deng for Eric Gordon?

Well, I'm not sure the Gordon trade is practical honestly. Either he's going to show that he's healthy and that's he's super valuable or he's going to show that he can't stay healthy again and not be worth Deng at all. So while the theoretical value may make sense, I just can't ever seeing it happen.

As far as Asik for Anderson, that's the obvious answer for everyone. Asik is a perfect fit for Davis, and the Rockets need a stretch four next to Dwight Howard. Therefore something like this will never happen because the basketball gods will forever conspire against the principle of Occam's razor.

Why do you hate Chuck Lorre more than life itself?

-Matt Pisaneschi

This is a slight exaggeration, but I certainly wouldn't count myself as a fan of his work as a whole. I think Big Bang Theory is the worst form of running faux-intellectual commentary, Two and a Half Men caters to the broadest potential audience due to its writing, and that Mike and Molly isn't even solid enough to take advantage of Melissa McCarthy being a genius physical comedienne. It's all the broadest form of comedy without any sort of backbone. There is no real interpersonal strife worth exploring, and there's no emotional connection worth forming to a character. It's simply a writer writing the most broad jokes possible, and allowing CBS to pay for phenomenal actors to sell them. Charlie Sheen, McCarthy, Jim Parsons, etc. There is nothing special about the writing in any of these shows.

However, I will mention that Mom is entirely different from these shows. There is actually a backbone, and the issues of recovering from addiction may potentially form the basis for a great comedy show. I'm pretty close to being all-in. Allison Janney chews up every single scene she's in, Anna Faris plays the straight woman well, and the surrounding cast is impeccable outside of whatever the French Stewart is doing. I would cautiously recommend this show to everyone, and not feel bad about doing it.

But yeah, outside of that, Chuck Lorre does nothing for me. He's fine and all, and I'm glad he's found an audience for himself. At least he's not Michael Patrick King. That guy is the worst.

How do you feel you would do as mayor of Toronto?

-Justin Rowan

I feel like Rob Ford is making me wonder why I don't live in Canada already. Every time I look at the news, that guy is just doing something more absurd than when I last looked. Drunkenly yelling obscenities at a Maple Leafs game? SURE! Throwing a drunken rager where he yells obscenities at his staff, breaks his phone against a wall, then starts crying like it's his Sweet 16 party? WHY NOT?! Smoking crack in office? MMHMM (this one features my favorite explanation from an elected official ever: "Have I tried [crack]? Um..probably in one of my drunken stupors." LIKE THAT'S AN EXCUSE THAT IS TOTALLY REASONABLE. Bill Simmons needs to rename the Tyson Zone to the Rob Ford Zone. This is insanity.) Giving CelebrityHotTub a chance to create the party game "Rob Ford or Bret Bielema?" Of course.

But this week's news just tops it all. I can't see any other headline beating: "Did Rob Ford pay utility bills for a crack house?" CRACKHEADS DON'T EVEN PAY BILLS AT CRACK HOUSES. HOW THE HECK DO YOU GET EVEN POTENTIALLY CAUGHT UP IN SOMETHING LIKE THAT AS MAYOR?! This is clearly the most inept/hilarious politician of ours or potentially any political climate. I'm actually looking forward to The Newsroom potentially discussing this story on their show. Aaron Sorkin could have a condescending, pretentious field day with this stuff. When you've made me debate whether or not I should watch the last half of The Newsroom's second season, you've done something right. I salute you, Rob Ford. Here's to you winning re-election in 2014 because you're not only too stubborn to resign, but you're also not dropping out of the race right now.

UPDATE (Next day): Well, he somehow found a way to top that headline: "'I need f---in 10 minutes to make sure he's dead': New Rob Ford video surfaces."  As usual, his excuse:


I love Canada. Essentially, this is what we're dealing with:

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(shout out to Eric Maroun for alerting me to its existence, and Corey Pierce for creating it.)



Speaking of politics....

What happened in Benghazi?

-Angelo Benedetti, among others

Angelo has taken it upon himself to get the real truth out of me when it comes to Benghazi. He believes I'm hiding the truth. I can neither confirm nor deny these allegations.

Would this Cavs team be better off with Trajan Langdon than Anthony Bennett?

-@JValenticOSU17

Come on, guys. You knew that I couldn't go this entire time without answering a single Bennett question. But hey, just for fun....

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OH MY GOD, THE BLOOD.  That settles it then. Bennett's a bust, the Cavs are screwed, and all is wrong with humanity. See you next week.

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That does it for another edition of Fear The Sword's Mailbag. Keep sending questions to either me on Twitter @Sam_Vecenie or our email address for this little column, mailbagFTS@gmail.com. Mostly anything goes in these things. Cavs, the general NBA, college basketball, television, movies, and of course embarrassing stories about me. Also, check out my college basketball ball work over at LandGrantHolyLand.com, where I cover Ohio State's men's basketball team and the Big Ten as a whole. Here is my preview series on the entire Big Ten, where I'm through nine of the 12 teams.

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