When I was a wee young lad, a product of a single mother that has no affection for any sport at all, I had love for everyone. I loved the moon, I loved the stars, I loved Mickey Rooney, I loved Mickey Mouse, I loved mashed potatoes, and most of all I loved pizza. Pizza Rules. Then I had a life altering moment, I discovered sports, and I discovered a raw emotion randomly attached to complete strangers who wronged me by wearing the wrong color jersey.
Everyone remembers their first time, and my first hate was Mike Jordan. I was young, and dumb, and I was full of hate for Jordan with all of my young tender heart. His crazy haired friend Rodman? I cheated on my hate for Jordan with hate for him at a low point in my childhood. As time went on I would discover new hates: Chris Gatling, Bryon Russell, Detlef Shrempf because of his weird name, Rolando Blackmon because I could never beat him in NBA All Star Challenge, and the list goes on and on.
Now, at 26, and with a good 11 years of actual basketball awareness, my hate is at its pinnacle, almost self aware, even. I have learned to ignore the nice guys, and the irrelevant guys, and focus my hate on those that deserve it. With an aggressive Cavs summer coming up, I give my list of guys that would make me say "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HIM?!?!" when I found out.
1.) Tyler Hansbrough - I have never disliked someone as much as this guy. I dont know what it is, but I have never been able to watch him play at any level without wanting to put a rock through his face. He's a tool.
2.) Dwight Howard - Dude just cries and cries. Dwight has made me love Shaq so much more, because he would get murdered for being bigger than everyone else, and he would just get pissed and go murder them.
3.) Rashard Lewis - Cheated and he has that stupid goatee.
4.) Dwyane Wade - Whiner, takes a lot of cheap shots. He has a stupid face.
5.) Matt Barnes - I dont even have the words. UGH.
7.) J.R. Smith - Just watching him hoop makes me dislike him.
8.) Carmelo Anthony - Same as above. Lazy. Chucker. Cant stand watching him unless hes on fiya.
9.) Any Current Raptor or Piston -I have buddies that talk to the point I have to hate whatever they like.
10.) Carlos Boozer - Needs no explanation required.
11.) Carl Landry - Not sure why, I just see him and get annoyed.
Feel free to add some more hate, so we can sit around and wait for the draft by going "uuuuuuuuuuuggghhhhh I can't stand that MFer either!". If you're in Indiana, feel free to plant a few Kilos of Heroin in Tyler Hansbrough's house and call the cops.