West, who appeared in Wine and Gold from 2008-2010, is most famous for the game of naked scrabble he played with Gloria James. Now, selecting him #1 presents a host of questions. Chris Grant provided an exclusive interview to answer some of them.
Why target Delonte West?
"He may not be at the top of every other team's board, but we see a lot of potential in him. First off, since the departure of J.J. Hickson, our team's interviews have become way to intelligible. I mean, yes, every now and then Dion sounds like he couldn't possibly earn his GED, but for the most part the post games are too predictable. He also has more intangibles than a geometry class. Championship caliber teams are based on intangibility. The more intangible the intangibles, the better. In fact, there's not a single tangible thing on Delonte's body.
But Delonte West is already an established NBA veteran - is it even possible to draft him?
This is an interesting point. I don't want to make this more long-winded than it needs to be, but through a combination of time-travel, cryo freezing, wizardry (I am a wizard, after all), legal name-changing, and a fair amount of barely legal maneuvering, we've actually managed to bring a fresh-out-of-college Delonte West into the present. In addition to having this Delonte added via the draft, we will be extending present-day Delonte West a contract to help mentor the younger Delonte West. It also enables us to have both Delontes on the court at the same time. Even more importantly it allows us to watch Delonte West talk to Delonte West. If we don't win a championship, that's a pretty good consolation prize.
How does this affect you will pick at #19?
We thought about bringing back two Delonte Wests and take another one here, but we felt the world wasn't ready for that. Other than that I am not allowed to talk about who I'll take, but rest assured if you so much as think of a person's name, I'll be sure to scratch him off my list. I'm Chris Grant. I don't take people you expect me to.
How does drafting Delonte West affect your chances of resigning Lebron James?
Now here is the real genius. I am not allowed to talk about specific free agents for risk of being fined by the NBA, but we of course are trying to save our cap space for a certain free agent. Now, on the service it made seem that drafting Lebron's psuedo-step-dad would not be something that brings him back. However, if you recall, during 'The Decision' he mentioned the final bit of advise that tipped him to South Beach was given by his mother. Now, how could sweet Gloria resist the tender embrace of TWO Delonte Wests? The answer, she can't. And thus Bron-Bron comes crawling back home to Cleveland.
Of course this could all just be smokescreen to get another team to trade up and snatch Delonte before the Cavs can. Perhaps the Celtics would like round 3? I've also heard similar rumors involving Damon Jones. This draft just keeps getting more and more interesting....