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Cavaliers Oust Magic; Parallel Universe NBA Finals to Tip Off Tomorrow

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As we're all aware by now, the Horsemen of the Basketball Apocalypse overcame near impossible odds and dispatched Orlando's Disney Darlings in an epic Game 7 showdown this past Monday. LeBron James was in full Kerosene mode, dropping 50/13/12 while Bizarro Howard fouled out with ten minutes to go in the third quarter. The NBA Finals are scheduled to start tomorrow night at the Q, with our Cavs firing on all cylinders and looking to take down the Purple People Eaters of LA.

Problem is, no one seems to be covering the Finals this year.

Everywhere I look, I see coverage of a Magic/Lakers Finals. Is this a joke? Some kind of conspiracy, denying Clevelanders the chance to watch the Cavs deliver a title? Nope. Apparently,everyone has fallen victim to the latest technological craze (I can't explain it, but I think it has something to do with Twitter) that allows media outlets to tap into parallel universes. Figures. We waltz into the playoff with the best team in the league, all but guaranteed a championship, and ESPN is denying us the right to watch the festivities. Oh well, it's pretty obvious we're going to sweep the whole thing. Everybody knows we're damn near unstoppable. This is just another example of everyone hating our terrible, cursed city. So given the unfortunate turn of events, I guess we might as well take a look at the televised series while we're waiting for the parade down Euclid Ave.

The Parallel Magic will head into the Parallel Staples Center tomorrow night looking to take down Parallel Kobe Bryant who, in this universe, is apparently not an arrogant whiner who can't win championships without Shaq. I predict Bizarro (Dwight "Superman" Howard in this universe) and crew are going to face tougher competition against Parallel LA's longer, more athletic bigs and deep bench.

Parallel Lakers in 6.