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An Open Apology to Joakim Noah

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Dear Mr. Noah, it grieves me that you are suffering the indignity of having to spend three days in Cleveland.  As someone who spent 45 years in the city and its vicinity, I can empathize with your boredom.  It is truly an awful thing to be staying in a hotel almost within sight of one of the Great Lakes, a lake to which you could perhaps have strolled, walked along the beach at Edgewater Park and pondered your 4 of 9 shooting in the opener of your playoff series with the Cavs.  After all, what better place for a Noah to reflect and to consider the greatest issues in his life than on, or near, water?

Of course you could have seen the water and also taken a tour of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, in case you needed some musical inspiration, for after all, the Hall is right on the lakefront, literally a long three-point attempt away from the waves.  Then you could, perhaps, have killed two birds with one stone...er, basketball...to help to alleviate your boredom.

Perhaps the thought never occurred to you to spend a few hours right next door to the arena you are being forced to play in twice in three days...you know, in that big, open-air place with the pretty light towers?  They call it Progressive Field?  I mean, another team which represents the city you play for was playing right there, yesterday afternoon.  If you saw people heading into it, just so you know, it wasn't a massive Amtrak station those people were heading into to get out of town to alleviate their boredom, they were going in to watch what is called a major league baseball game between the boring Cleveland Indians and the dynamic, cosmopolitan Chicago White Sox.

(Just as an aside, sorry that Chicago went oh-for-four during the weekend, Joakim, rude hosts that we are.  Bad enough that you lost to the Cavs; then those nefarious, though boring, Cleveland baseball players had to go and sweep the Sox.  Really bad manners on our part, yes?)

There is no need to get into the hundreds of places a wealthy basketball player could have gone during his day off.  You might not see them as soon as you walk out the door of the hotel, but they are there, a walk, or a taxi ride, or a limo ride away.  No need to get into all that, as I am from boring Cleveland (though I live in Pennsylvania now), and why would you want any helpful advice from me?

The best that I can do is to make a wish for you...more than a wish actually, because, you see, I care that you were bored.  So my wish/desire/longing for you is this:

That your Bulls lose the next three games as well, so you do not have to suffer the horror of returning to our boring Burg anymore until next season.