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Cleveland Cavaliers 106, Milwaukee Bucks 100: Courtside Tweets

Feelin' like a million Bucks.

By Ryan Mourton
Jason Miller

I'M BACK, INTERNET

Mike Rowe doesn't have that "dirty jobs" show anymore, but I imagine if he did, he would spend a week watching Summer League and preseason games. "But Ryan," they say, "Where is the 'dirty'?" Well, when you're a young bachelor watching preseason basketball, there is generally beer and snacks involved. Sometimes I just lay on the ground covered in Doritos and hum Fall Out Boy songs to myself only stopping to scream for great plays.

Anyway, the Cleveland Cavaliers similarly slogged through a mountain of proverbial Doritos, stopping for the occasional awesome play.

Bucks have antlers, so I can finally use a RACKS ON RACKS ON RACKS pun

Kevin Love is good at shooting apparently. He looked like he was in the three-point contest. He was shooting RACKS ON RACK ::wait::

I called Jabari Parker a marshmallow in the Summer League. He was the Stay Puft Prince of Milawaukee. He's a lot less round now, and a pretty good basketball player.

What this? It fell off the truck

Ahhh yes. The Cavailers. I can't hate too hard though. As a young lad I bought shirts for myself and my former fiancee to wear at the bar we worked at when the Cavs were in the playoffs. I think it was 2010. I don't remember what hers was, but mine said, "Wanted, the James Gang." Yes, I bought these out of a gas station parking lot. I know it was unlicensed, because at the bottom of the shirt it made sure to mention such. The best part though, were the numbers. As I said, it touted the "James Gang," and it had 5 circles with numbers in them, implying it was the Cavaliers roster:

2. Ah yes, Mo Williams. 13. Clearly Delonte West. 17. Anderson Varejao. Ok, so it's popular players. 11. Zydrunas, of course, POPULAR! 32. THIRTY TWO? Who is 32? Joe Smith? Larry Hughes? I thought it was the James Gang? Where is LeBron James?

Moral of the story: Never buy $5 T-shirts in the parking lot of an abandoned gas station and be surprised by how crappy they are.

Something embarrassing happened: Detroit Pistons edition

I don't have the proper words.

Only 20% of the Internet can read. Examples 300,496 - 300,510

Gordon Hayward, shining beacon of hope for nerdy white guys everywhere wrote this amazing blog post. He even had an amazing title. The problem: NOBODY EVER READS ANYTHING EVER ON THE INTERNET. If I wrote 1000 words about how LeBron James is the worst player in basketball, and made the title "Is Pizza a food group?" I would get more "YOU WROTE AN ARTICLE ABOUT PIZZA?!?!?!" responses than anything related to LeBron. 90-10, probably.  Let us observe:

You all deserve the worst punishment the internet has to offer. I'm not sure what it is because there are so many horrible things, but you will know when it happens.

Professional Thoughts

The Cavs play again tonight. TONIGHT. You have two options:

Option 1: DANCE PARTY

Option 2: Nap

Choose wisely, and never forget:

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