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Memphis Grizzlies 96, Cleveland Cavaliers 92: Courtside Tweets

Nobody got hurt in this game so really everybody won

By Ryan Mourton
Nelson Chenault-USA TODAY Sports

Preseason is FINALLY OVER! Meaningless games are finally done and we can get right the hell out of here.

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Did you know that Jared Cunningham (pictured exiting the field of play) is a former Cavalier? That he helped land LeBron? You have to follow it two trades back, and decide that trading Tyler Zeller to get the cap space for LeBron is Cunningham helping, because he became Zeller, but then once you do that BAM! The realization is on you like a Boy Scout trying to sell popcorn.

YES OF COURSE THAT MEANS I HAVE A STORY. The Boy Scouts man. I go the store to get my grocery selection on, and these piranhas are just posted up outside of the place waiting to accost anyone heading in. My first thought: Why is this store letting solicitors do this? They do it with the Girl Scout cookies too, and a few other things. I'm just trying to get some Bagel Bites and various other snacks and get home man, but it is never that easy.

"Would you like to support Boy Scouts?"

"No man, I'm sorry, I would not"

"We have popcorn, you don't want any?"

"No, thank you. I don't carry cash, and I don't have any way to make popcorn" (this is true, I do not own a microwave because they are kind of sketch)

At this point he looks like he is about to cry his eyes out, and his parents are just glaring at me as I stand there looking annoyed and confused because their Succubus child is accosting me for my George Washington's. Naturally I did what any upstanding real man would do: I went in, bought my things, and took a different exit out of the store and walked and extra four minutes because my car was parked directly next to the entrance I used.

Moral of the story: Stop trying to sell me crap when I'm trying to buy other crap.

We Got Highlights

hahahahahahahaahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahahahaahahahahaha

hohohohohohohohohoho

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Professional Thoughts

Important art for 2014

Being that the last pre-season game is a "lets get out here and not get hurt" kind of affair, it only makes sense that my last preseason article is the same. There was nothing exceptionally interesting to make fun last night, so we'll just get out of here with a quick win of good health. We don't want anyone to go down before the opener and miss Kendrick Lamar, right?

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