I had one job.
See, I'm a basketball writer. That involves writing about basketball. Sometimes that involves talking about basketball. Last night, the Cavs opened their season. The President was there. Normally, I would be viewing this game to provide my insights since they tend to be far more valuable than 99 percent of the population's.
I slept. Didn't see a single second of the game because if I lay on my couch a certain way my dog will come up and lay in the space that's left and it's warm and cozy and I passed right out. Blame it on Elysium too, that movie was on and is SOOOOO boring.
Anyway. The Cavs met the Chicago
If Derrick Rose Healthy Bulls and.... crap that's last year's joke. Ok. The Cavs played the Bulls and they lost but it's October so whatever. Here's a sad song:
The Cavs' loss was sealed on this Pau Gasol block. A clip of Pau playing meaningful defense is rare, so here you go:
Some of you saw Kobe’s 81-point game or LeBron game 6 vs. the Celtics in person. I saw JR Smith dap up Obama during a timeout. I win.— Sean Highkin (@highkin) October 28, 2015
There isn't video of this, but c'mon just use your imagination.
Technology is hard
Kevin Harlan has no idea what Snapchat is. That's fine, really. I really missed the boat on Back to the Future Day because my Snapchat handle is a killer BTTF pun (Mourty_McFly). Kevin, if you're reading: Snapchat is a great place to send self destructing pictures of... well whatever to your friends. Sometimes you draw a top hat on... stuff. Sometimes you take a picture of your empty apartment and draw friends.
PS: If you need boxes, I get like 10 amazon orders a week and all those in the corner could be yours. I spend almost an hour a week cutting down boxes. My life is crap.
PSS: I'm not letting any of you weirdos have boxes with my address why did I say that. Carry on.
Words and stuff
LeBron called a team meeting recently to deliver a direct message: "We have enough. No matter what." Final thoughts: https://t.co/T8ZU2b06hD— Jason Lloyd (@JasonLloydABJ) October 28, 2015
LeBron James and Cavaliers were good, not quite presidential in opening loss: My instant analysis https://t.co/UEQw1GfQBV— Joe Vardon (@joevardon) October 28, 2015
FTS speed dating
Some things never change. It's 2015, but the ladies of twitter still need someone to take them to basketball games.
Someone take me to a cavs game.— Hayley ♚ (@HayleySeeley) October 28, 2015
I wanna go to a Cavs game Someone please take me— Líl Bitty Bxtch ✨ (@Ashantay_) October 28, 2015
someone please take me to a cavs game— caitlyn borden (@caitlyn_borden) October 28, 2015
Someone take me to a cavs game before the season is over okay thank you— nes ☯ (@vanessasw_) October 27, 2015
Take me to a Cavs game so I know it's real— XO TIFF ♡ (@xo_somebodyelse) October 27, 2015
If someone doesn't take me to a Cavs game this season I will be hurt— Shelby Dodge (@ShelbyDodge11) October 26, 2015
Take me to a @cavs game so ik it's real— Andrea Fernandez (@Annie_fern) October 25, 2015
Basketball should be for everyone, and nobody should be left wanting like this.
Local Man competes in iron man contest to use every bad "$82 million" reference possible
#Cavs Tristan Thompson is looking at the ref like, "Don't you know I just got 82 million guaranteed, bro?"— Chris Fedor (@ChrisFedor) October 28, 2015
I think we're on day eight of this stand-off between topical humor and this internet hero. More updates as they become available.
The Cavs play the Grizzlies tonight. Don't be afraid to find ways to entertain yourself until then.
I found anti-Jesuit twitter. This website is great.— David Zavac (@DavidZavac) October 27, 2015
And don't end up on punishment.
"I know report cards came out today. Bring it here, lemme see." pic.twitter.com/vh4H9NCMMm— not coach (@KenPiffyJunior) October 28, 2015