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Courtside tweets: Cavs dump Grizzlies behind stellar defense, Kevin Love

"DE-VON! GET THE TABLES!"

By Ryan Mourton
Justin Ford-USA TODAY Sports

The Cavs won last night. They won HUGE. It wasn't even a contest for most of the game.

Generally, this is where I include an Ace Hood song or a video of me A Town Stompin in a Sheetz at 4AM on a Tuesday or something. This is a space to turn up, and rarely should an opportunity be missed. We can turn up 80 more times though, so today we start with something a little somber.

God Speed, Flip Saunders

The Timberwolves won last night after an emotional few days since Team president Flip Saunders passed away. It was nice a moment before and after the game. We don't have a ton of nice moments on the internet. Everyone is horrible to each other. Please stop being horrible to people on the internet. You never know what they have going on.

Extended Game Analysis

We wrote a recap, sure. But there has to be something more to be said right? Something advanced and all encompassing that really captures the statistical domination the Cavs imposed? Well, I did a deep look into things and the following chart will really give you a good idea of what happened.


Actual Analysis

Thoughts on tots

So there is a new luckiest man in the world. Some Grizzly fan hit a half court shot and got free tater tots for life. Maybe a year. I dunno. One of those. It's cool though and it really makes you think.

Now, reading that above, you would think that everyone would be FLOODING into my mentions to congratulate me for great humor. I did a good tweet, they would surely say.

NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. Never. Not on hatin ass twitter.

Basically everyone on the internet is jealous of my quick wit and ability to eat wings without getting a single drop of sauce on my face. Some good people contributed to the humor though

I actually had tears laughing at "traitor tots". Related: I laugh and cry almost always.

Kobenfreude

The Lakers lost and Kobe shot like 5-900 or something. Then he called a time out on a break with 5 seconds left when Byron was saying to push it instead, and the Lakers final play went to Lou Williams who missed.

G'night, sweet Smush.

The beginning of the season is dumb

The following tweet isn't even incorrect. The beginning of the year is dumb and provides no predictive value, but you already knew that.

MAGIC'S TWITTER IS BACK

Presented with no comment.

Dion Waiters beat the Spurs

Some nerds might give the credit to other players, but we know the real deal around here.

REMAIN A CHAMPION DION. STUNT ON ALL OF THE DOUBTERS.

When you're SO WRONG about a player, admitting it is the first step

Nice indeed.

The Cavs host the Miami Heat in their home opener on Friday. The Heat are dorks. We'll see you then.

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