The Cavs won last night. They won HUGE. It wasn't even a contest for most of the game.
Generally, this is where I include an Ace Hood song or a video of me A Town Stompin in a Sheetz at 4AM on a Tuesday or something. This is a space to turn up, and rarely should an opportunity be missed. We can turn up 80 more times though, so today we start with something a little somber.
God Speed, Flip Saunders
The Timberwolves won last night after an emotional few days since Team president Flip Saunders passed away. It was nice a moment before and after the game. We don't have a ton of nice moments on the internet. Everyone is horrible to each other. Please stop being horrible to people on the internet. You never know what they have going on.
Extended Game Analysis
We wrote a recap, sure. But there has to be something more to be said right? Something advanced and all encompassing that really captures the statistical domination the Cavs imposed? Well, I did a deep look into things and the following chart will really give you a good idea of what happened.
Quick recap of Cavs/Grizz pic.twitter.com/7sarmmye0V— Ryan (@Ryan_Mourton) October 29, 2015
New blog post: Cavs' bolstered bench already proving its worth https://t.co/6LqtR82RY4— Dave McMenamin (@mcten) October 29, 2015
New story: LeBron James said the Cavs are going to get Kevin Love back to "All-Star status" this season https://t.co/qDGjEZnjeX— Dave McMenamin (@mcten) October 29, 2015
Kevin Love told LeBron last summer he wanted a bigger role in this system. James listened. Final thoughts are up: https://t.co/xuLGCKDue5— Jason Lloyd (@JasonLloydABJ) October 29, 2015
A first for LeBron: He's never scored 12 points or less and had his team win by so much. Cavs won by 30 tonight with him scoring just 12.— Tim Reynolds (@ByTimReynolds) October 29, 2015
Gamer: No other way to tweet it, #Cavs kicked Grizzlies' ass https://t.co/MqBe5JfqWc— Chris Haynes (@ChrisBHaynes) October 29, 2015
Timo misses a three-pointer (he's career 6-32, .188) from the corner at halftime buzzer and lets out three HUGE f-bombs. Awesome.— Joe Gabriele (@CavsJoeG) October 29, 2015
Thoughts on tots
So there is a new luckiest man in the world. Some Grizzly fan hit a half court shot and got free tater tots for life. Maybe a year. I dunno. One of those. It's cool though and it really makes you think.
Tater tots and chill? https://t.co/AOQ27ODaKy— Austin (11-5) (@LC_Brownsfan) October 29, 2015
Wonder what that dude is gonna with those tots. Could make a handbag out of them. A tot tote.— FearTheSword (@FearTheSword) October 29, 2015
Now, reading that above, you would think that everyone would be FLOODING into my mentions to congratulate me for great humor. I did a good tweet, they would surely say.
NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. Never. Not on hatin ass twitter.
@FearTheSword pic.twitter.com/CN7POOtQ3o— Scoops Maroun (@ejmaroun) October 29, 2015
@FearTheSword pic.twitter.com/ol4rKViPDE— Simon Hannig (@S_Hannig) October 29, 2015
@FearTheSword pic.twitter.com/dcY0yHOWP8— abigail marie (@abscrock) October 29, 2015
@FearTheSword 3 night ban for Ryan.— Christopher (@chrisdottcomm) October 29, 2015
@FearTheSword delete your account— Shaq Diesel (@Shaqalier) October 29, 2015
@FearTheSword pic.twitter.com/00UTB3UTmU— Bill Barak (@BillBarak) October 29, 2015
Basically everyone on the internet is jealous of my quick wit and ability to eat wings without getting a single drop of sauce on my face. Some good people contributed to the humor though
@FearTheSword kids in his neighborhood are gonna be going trick or toting this halloween pic.twitter.com/LNZy8JpEI7— Nathen Vieira (@NathenVieira) October 29, 2015
@FearTheSword fill a pool and dive in like scrooge mcduck— Pipe Fitter (@brainfitts) October 29, 2015
@FearTheSword shape them into a child? A totler— Paul McFeely (@paul_mcfeely) October 29, 2015
@abscrock @FearTheSword Make a statue of Benedict Arnold? Traitor Tots— TheLANDLover (@dmosk253) October 29, 2015
I actually had tears laughing at "traitor tots". Related: I laugh and cry almost always.
The Lakers lost and Kobe shot like 5-900 or something. Then he called a time out on a break with 5 seconds left when Byron was saying to push it instead, and the Lakers final play went to Lou Williams who missed.
Byron Scott got that play call from David Blatt. Unlike LeBron, Kobe isn’t enough of a leader to shoot it down. MY COLUMN:— Sean Highkin (@highkin) October 29, 2015
"It's all right, Smush, we'll get 'em next time." "It's Lou, Kobe." "Not anymore."— Andrew Lynch (@AndrewLynch) October 29, 2015
G'night, sweet Smush.
The beginning of the season is dumb
The following tweet isn't even incorrect. The beginning of the year is dumb and provides no predictive value, but you already knew that.
NBA MVP rankings through 2 days: 1. Steph Curry 2. C.J. McCollum 3. Blake Griffin 4. Derrick Williams 5. Danilo Gallinari Have a good night.— Adi Joseph (@AdiJoseph) October 29, 2015
MAGIC'S TWITTER IS BACK
.@kobebryant didn't look like the 93rd ranked player in the league scoring 21 of his 24 points in 3Qtrs!— Earvin Magic Johnson (@MagicJohnson) October 29, 2015
Presented with no comment.
Dion Waiters beat the Spurs
Some nerds might give the credit to other players, but we know the real deal around here.
[walk up to booth marked 'Ferry to Waiters Island'] "One ticket, please."— Tom Ziller (@teamziller) October 29, 2015
Repopulate Waiters Island!— Zach Lowe (@ZachLowe_NBA) October 29, 2015
ALL ABOARD, WE'RE OFF TO WAITERS ISLAND.— Tweetgood Mac (@SnottieDrippen) October 29, 2015
Just wanna say hi to all of you from waiters island.... How you doin— Sam Hynes (@Hyness_17) October 29, 2015
ALL ABOARD WAITERS ISLAND— Will Hutchison (@CantHutchThis7) October 29, 2015
The ferry to Waiters Island departs promptly at 10:35 PM.— KL Chouinard (@KLChouinard) October 29, 2015
*waiters island emerges from the depths of the pacific*— JZ Mazlish (@jzmazlish) October 29, 2015
BUCKETS DNT BUCKETS DNT BUCKETS DNT— FearTheSword (@FearTheSword) October 29, 2015
Dion Waiters on his two huge late jumpers: "Got a chance to do what I do. We went to the mismatch and I made big shots."— Anthony Slater (@anthonyVslater) October 29, 2015
REMAIN A CHAMPION DION. STUNT ON ALL OF THE DOUBTERS.
When you're SO WRONG about a player, admitting it is the first step
I question the Pistons, they win. I hate on Waiters, and he steps up. Nice to be wrong.— David Zavac (@DavidZavac) October 29, 2015
The Cavs host the Miami Heat in their home opener on Friday. The Heat are dorks. We'll see you then.