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We now go live, to my house:
NOTE: THIS SERIES IS SATIRE. VIEWS ARE MINE, AND MINE ALONE, BUT IF THEY AREN'T YOURS TOO YOU PROLLY SUCK.
Suck it, NERDS.
Yeah. NERDS. I said it.
The Boston Celtics and their librarian lookin' ass coach came to Cleveland. They brought their books and their dumb laptop sized Texas Instruments calculators that cost like $200 and are required which is dumb because MOM I WANT NEW SHOES but no I have to have this dumb number box.
Here's a number: 0. As in 0 wins for inventor of basketball Brad Stevens. Stars rule, Books drool. Cavs lead 2-0.
We Got Highlights
JR was #ALLinCLE with this steal & slam to bring the boys back. Don't miss the second half next on @FOXSportsOH! https://t.co/FxVCCgYo2p
— Cleveland Cavaliers (@cavs) April 22, 2015
Watch Mozgov throw the STRONG hammer down early! : @FoxSportsOH #ALLinCLE https://t.co/h0jQM0Qaw9
— Cleveland Cavaliers (@cavs) April 21, 2015
Fans after that @KingJames dunk... #ALLinCLE pic.twitter.com/UXQTyUeHCO
— Cleveland Cavaliers (@cavs) April 22, 2015
Nice take by LeBron in post. Sullinger's only job on the double is to deny middle penetration https://t.co/v29iPDHmAB
— BBALLBREAKDOWN (@bballbreakdown) April 22, 2015
LeBron tried to throw this pass through five dudes to Mozgov. It didn’t make it through the first one’s head. https://t.co/nl8yYwMaPC
— Dan Devine (@YourManDevine) April 21, 2015
Potent Quotables
.@Rachel__Nichols caught up with @KingJames after tonight's Game 2 victory http://t.co/HQZFXq7G50
— NBA on TNT (@NBAonTNT) April 22, 2015
"We have to pick each other up." - @KyrieIrving #ALLinCLE #Together pic.twitter.com/YlDwhtIJdt
— Cleveland Cavaliers (@cavs) April 22, 2015
"If we defend & we rebound, we'll give ourselves a great chance to win Game 3." - @KingJames #CavsCeltics #ALLinCLE pic.twitter.com/JffJCLxldc
— Cleveland Cavaliers (@cavs) April 22, 2015
You gotta lose that damn hat though, Larbon.
Kevin Love says he felt like Billy Ho from "White Men Can't Jump" after his reverse lob dunk.
— Chris Haynes (@ChrisBHaynes) April 22, 2015
David Blatt is brought a Gatorade cup by a Cavs staffer during his postgame presser: "Is that the one with the vodka in it?"
— Dave McMenamin (@mcten) April 22, 2015
Professional Words
LeBron hits 30, Cavs hold off Celtics for 2-0 series lead. http://t.co/hB8GllKJO8
— Sam Amico (@SamAmicoFSO) April 22, 2015
Quick Gamer: LeBron James and Kyrie Irving score all of #Cavs fourth-quarter points to give them 2-0 lead on Boston http://t.co/c349QfiC8o
— Chris Haynes (@ChrisBHaynes) April 22, 2015
James, Irving combine for all fourth-quarter points, Cavs take 2-0 series lead over Celtics: CLEVELAND: LeBr... http://t.co/edartfFfxg
— Jason Lloyd (@JasonLloydABJ) April 22, 2015
At @yahooBDL: LeBron + Kyrie take over late to lead Cavs past Celtics, take 2-0 lead. http://t.co/RG56zWVv5O pic.twitter.com/3THYXPq6cy
— Dan Devine (@YourManDevine) April 22, 2015
We're Just Here to Mock Toronto
John Wall doing his best John Wall impersonation, coast to coast. https://t.co/WyKtwFLghB
— BBALLBREAKDOWN (@bballbreakdown) April 22, 2015
Toronto, the team with home court, is on the verge of getting swept.
At least they didn't give out shirts with a number on them.
"6" T-Shirts everywhere! #RTZ #WeTheNorth https://t.co/3JS5gI0Moh
— Toronto Raptors (@Raptors) April 18, 2015
At least Toronto gave out 6 shirts since their fans won't see 6 games.
— Ryan Mourton (@Ryan_Mourton) April 22, 2015
Oops. They killed that weak schedule early though.
Checking in on the "Trade Kyrie for Rondo!" Market
I wonder if the Mavericks make Rondo walk home to Dallas.
— BBALLBREAKDOWN (@bballbreakdown) April 22, 2015
UH OH
Rondo to the bench, lane opens up for Ellis layup. FUNNY.
— Mavs Moneyball (@mavsmoneyball) April 22, 2015
THIS SEEMS NOT GOOD
That's two fouls and a technical on Rajon Rondo in 34 seconds to start the half. Here comes JJ Barea.
— Tim MacMahon (@espn_macmahon) April 22, 2015
I was under the impression that....
watch Rondo. he never even breaks into a jog on this play. https://t.co/KhFaAMCHlG
— Tim Cato (@tim_cato) April 22, 2015
This seems bad. Is that bad? Would trading a 22 year old superstar for him be bad? Lets think about it
— Jared Dubin (@JADubin5) April 22, 2015
— Jared Dubin (@JADubin5) April 22, 2015
Just like we expected, Ray Felton and JJ Barea playing over Rajon Rondo in the playoffs.
— Chris Towers (@CTowersCBS) April 22, 2015
You know what? I think we're good. SOMEHOW, the people who wanted to pair Rajon Rondo and LeBron James in 2015 were completely wrong. Who knew.
This Guy
At a Mavs-Rockets game? Not feeling either team? The real hero tonight: #GoSpursGo pic.twitter.com/8Ykh0UHTBK
— Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) April 22, 2015
I don't know what they'll do to him, but hopefully it's not as bad as what they did to Aron Baynes.
Hey it happens to all of us. A little time off, some time to think, you can get over one dunk. ONE DUNK isn't a kilOH GOD WHY
Well, just a bad night.
Aron Baynes prayer circle meets promptly 20 minutes past noon tomorrow.
In Conclusion
The Cavs are 2-0. That's predictable. Both OSU players on the Celtics roster need to not play. That's predictable. The Raptors are 0-2. That's HILARIOUS. Aron Baynes has passed, is survived by a few plants, and some form of horrific Australian Wildlife. We're still laughing at Kyrie for Rondo ideas. If you thought it was a good one, you deserve it. Anything else?
Oh yeah.
Real Celtics fan in our @FearTheSword comments: "If Gigi Datome plays, you guys are in trouble."
— David Zavac (@DavidZavac) April 21, 2015
Ok. Anything now?
https://t.co/QEQGyPiAOe https://t.co/NPnQDiF0y9
— FearTheSword (@FearTheSword) April 21, 2015
Ok, nothing else that is soul crushing and hilarious can come of this, right?
Dan Shaugnessy is wrong. I felt very good about the 2002 Browns. Still wear my Kevin Johnson jersey.
— David Zavac (@DavidZavac) April 21, 2015
WELP. CATCH YOU ALL FOR GAME THREE!
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