We now go live, to my house:
NOTE: THIS SERIES IS SATIRE. VIEWS ARE MINE, AND MINE ALONE, BUT IF THEY AREN'T YOURS TOO YOU PROLLY SUCK.
Suck it, NERDS.
Yeah. NERDS. I said it.
The Boston Celtics and their librarian lookin' ass coach came to Cleveland. They brought their books and their dumb laptop sized Texas Instruments calculators that cost like $200 and are required which is dumb because MOM I WANT NEW SHOES but no I have to have this dumb number box.
Here's a number: 0. As in 0 wins for inventor of basketball Brad Stevens. Stars rule, Books drool. Cavs lead 2-0.
We Got Highlights
Cleveland Cavaliers (@cavs) April 22, 2015
Nice take by LeBron in post. Sullinger's only job on the double is to deny middle penetration https://t.co/v29iPDHmAB— BBALLBREAKDOWN (@bballbreakdown) April 22, 2015
LeBron tried to throw this pass through five dudes to Mozgov. It didn’t make it through the first one’s head. https://t.co/nl8yYwMaPC— Dan Devine (@YourManDevine) April 21, 2015
You gotta lose that damn hat though, Larbon.
Kevin Love says he felt like Billy Ho from "White Men Can't Jump" after his reverse lob dunk.— Chris Haynes (@ChrisBHaynes) April 22, 2015
David Blatt is brought a Gatorade cup by a Cavs staffer during his postgame presser: "Is that the one with the vodka in it?"— Dave McMenamin (@mcten) April 22, 2015
LeBron hits 30, Cavs hold off Celtics for 2-0 series lead. http://t.co/hB8GllKJO8— Sam Amico (@SamAmicoFSO) April 22, 2015
James, Irving combine for all fourth-quarter points, Cavs take 2-0 series lead over Celtics: CLEVELAND: LeBr... http://t.co/edartfFfxg— Jason Lloyd (@JasonLloydABJ) April 22, 2015
We're Just Here to Mock Toronto
John Wall doing his best John Wall impersonation, coast to coast. https://t.co/WyKtwFLghB— BBALLBREAKDOWN (@bballbreakdown) April 22, 2015
Toronto, the team with home court, is on the verge of getting swept.
At least they didn't give out shirts with a number on them.
Toronto Raptors (@Raptors) April 18, 2015
At least Toronto gave out 6 shirts since their fans won't see 6 games.— Ryan Mourton (@Ryan_Mourton) April 22, 2015
Oops. They killed that weak schedule early though.
Checking in on the "Trade Kyrie for Rondo!" Market
I wonder if the Mavericks make Rondo walk home to Dallas.— BBALLBREAKDOWN (@bballbreakdown) April 22, 2015
Rondo to the bench, lane opens up for Ellis layup. FUNNY.— Mavs Moneyball (@mavsmoneyball) April 22, 2015
THIS SEEMS NOT GOOD
That's two fouls and a technical on Rajon Rondo in 34 seconds to start the half. Here comes JJ Barea.— Tim MacMahon (@espn_macmahon) April 22, 2015
I was under the impression that....
watch Rondo. he never even breaks into a jog on this play. https://t.co/KhFaAMCHlG— Tim Cato (@tim_cato) April 22, 2015
This seems bad. Is that bad? Would trading a 22 year old superstar for him be bad? Lets think about it
Just like we expected, Ray Felton and JJ Barea playing over Rajon Rondo in the playoffs.— Chris Towers (@CTowersCBS) April 22, 2015
You know what? I think we're good. SOMEHOW, the people who wanted to pair Rajon Rondo and LeBron James in 2015 were completely wrong. Who knew.
I don't know what they'll do to him, but hopefully it's not as bad as what they did to Aron Baynes.
Hey it happens to all of us. A little time off, some time to think, you can get over one dunk. ONE DUNK isn't a kilOH GOD WHY
Well, just a bad night.
Aron Baynes prayer circle meets promptly 20 minutes past noon tomorrow.
The Cavs are 2-0. That's predictable. Both OSU players on the Celtics roster need to not play. That's predictable. The Raptors are 0-2. That's HILARIOUS. Aron Baynes has passed, is survived by a few plants, and some form of horrific Australian Wildlife. We're still laughing at Kyrie for Rondo ideas. If you thought it was a good one, you deserve it. Anything else?
Real Celtics fan in our @FearTheSword comments: "If Gigi Datome plays, you guys are in trouble."— David Zavac (@DavidZavac) April 21, 2015
Ok. Anything now?
Ok, nothing else that is soul crushing and hilarious can come of this, right?
Dan Shaugnessy is wrong. I felt very good about the 2002 Browns. Still wear my Kevin Johnson jersey.— David Zavac (@DavidZavac) April 21, 2015
WELP. CATCH YOU ALL FOR GAME THREE!