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Coming to terms with the departure of Kendrick Perkins

Carter Rodriguez and Ryan Mourton bid adieu to Kendrick Perkins the best way they know how.

Kendrick Perkins, national treasure and former end-of-bench enforcer for the Cleveland Cavaliers, signed with the New Orleans Pelicans this offseason.

Kendrick may be missed, but the staff at Fear the Sword would be remiss if he were forgotten. In his honor, Carter Rodriguez and Ryan Mourton combined for a little Q&A session in regards to Perk's legacy as a Cavalier.

Q: What was your favorite moment in the Kendrick Perkins era?

Carter Rodriguez - The Cavaliers had just swept the Hawks in the Eastern Conference Finals, and J.R. Smith posted an Instagram of the team celebrating the win in the hot tub. In the background was our favorite enforcer.

Perk Ice

Perk has two heavy bags of ice applied to each knee, as though he had been to war. He played five minutes and 26 seconds in the game. I don't want to see what he has to do after 30 minutes.

Ryan Mourton - Gotta be the 9 step travel. Or maybe when he was introduced to Jae Crowder. There are a lot of amazing Perk moments from such a short period of time. I'll go with the 9 steps.

Q: How has Perk impacted your life moving forward?

RM - I'm never taking crap from anybody ever again. Neither will anyone in the crew. You keep in line around us or you just might get a screen set on your neck.

CSR - Perk taught me that if you convince someone that you have value at any point in your life, you can trick any one, forever.

Q: When you look up into the sky, do you ever see Kendrick's face in the shape of one of the clouds?

CSR - I don't see Perk when I look up at the clouds. I don't waste my time staring into the sky. If Perk has taught me anything, it's that cloud watching is for people that like to sip on chamomile tea and talk about their feelings.

RM -That's ridiculous, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. Of course I see Perk in the clouds. OF COURSE I DO, and listen man. Listen. I am very in touch with my emotions. I cried during Armageddon, and I'm pretty sure Perk did too. I was just outside with the dog today, and saw a cloud that looked like the two of us in a friendly embrace watching young Ben Affleck ready to die to save humanity. Man.... I just.... man.... You monster.

Q: Where were you both when Kendrick signed with the Cavaliers, and where were you when he left?

RM - When he signed I was on a date. The fact that I know that is probably in no small part related to the fact that I am available for more dates. (If you know Ronda Rousey please pass her my info)

When he left? I actually don't remember that one. You ever get so worked up about something that you black out and lose the previous 15 minutes?

CSR - I don't remember, because I'm not a weirdo. What's wrong with you?

Q: Now that Kendrick Perkins has moved on to bigger and brighter things, who can we expect to assume his role as team enforcer?

CSR - Richard Jefferson. I thought that was pretty obvious, but, sure. It'll be him. You can never trust a man who's been bald since age 20. We've literally never seen the guy with hair on his head. What's up with that?

RM - I want to say Tristan Thompson but he is just so Canadian. I'm gonna have to go with Joe Harris here. I definitely see the point about Jefferson, but Joe had a handle bar mustache.

CSR - I think historically there's a case for handlebar mustache owners to be tough guys. Plus, Perk would play some games with his facial hair as well. It's probably the only thing they had in common.

Q: Now that Perk is gone, who will mean mug during team photos?

CSR - Again, Richard Jefferson. We're not covering any new ground here.

RM - If he makes the team, Sir'Dominic Pointer. Nobody with Sir at the beginning of their name has ever smiled in a photo.

CSR - I'm changing my answer to this. You're onto something here. The name "Sir" makes me think of the British aristocracy, and those repressed people aren't smiling for anything, man.

Q: Perkins was reportedly brought onboard in New Orleans to help mentor Anthony Davis. Which Cavalier do you think he took under his wing?

RM - Again, Joe Harris. I mean, they had to do something down at the far end of the bench all game. I like to imagine it was Joe talking about X-Box or Dungeons and Dragons and Perk smacking him and making him list all of the weak points on the human body.

CSR - Anderson Varejao. Man, that dude would have cracked skulls if he were healthy. Instead, he wore suits and stood on the periphery of huddles. We lost a chance at the real life Bash Brothers. Or at least, Perk teaching Andy how to fight, with Andy eventually becoming the honorary, "Kenny Wu" version of a Bash Brother.

Q: How will the loss of Perkins affect the Cavs on the court in 2015-16?

CSR - Blowouts will lose their flavor. Perk treated those garbage time minutes like his personal playground. Baby hooks that hit the bottom of the rim? Every time. Facilitating from the mid post? You got it, champ. I'll miss you, most of all, dribble drives that are invariably dribbled off of somebody's foot.

On a serious note, there is value in being signed by a team to do a thing, and doing exactly that thing. Kendrick, you did everything that was asked of you. I'd soldier through a thousand forced post-ups to have you on my team again one day.

RM - Do you recall the Kobe-Pau-Bynum Lakers? Remember how the high low game of Pau and Bynum made them so deadly? One reason the David Blatt criticism made so much sense is that the Cavs had this kind of potential and only rolled it out for one game. ONE GAME! I don't understand how he could watch Perk and Brendan Haywood dominate a playoff team (the Wizards are technically a playoff team) and not use it at all moving forward. In their absence, the Cavs will look to smaller "bigs" like Tristan Thompson and Kevin Love to get some offense inside.

We're going to miss you Kendrick, you large, bubbly, but somehow also very angry and terrifying man. If by chance Ronda Rousey challenges you to a fight as her lone remaining competition, please give her my information.

CSR - I think the Rousey stuff might be a pipe dream, pal.

Goodbye, sweet prince.

Eulogy Perk