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FOREWORD: The 2016 Cleveland Cavaliers season has been a roller coaster of emotion. There's been serious rumors, drama and rampant teenage-esque use of social media. You know what that sounds like? High school.
In honor of this team's high-school stylings, the gang at Fear the Sword thought the best way to "honor" them would be to hand out superlatives, yearbook style. Without futher ado, the inaugural Caval-Yearbook.
Most Likely to Have a Xanga: Mo Williams
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Alex: The reason nobody has seen or heard from Mo all year is because he's been on Xanga photo blogging the season. It's a full-time gig.
Carter: Life's hard sometimes, man. You need an outlet.
Most Likely to Turn Down a Group Invite to the Movies: Kevin Love
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Alex: I heard he is pretty busy being the face of Banana Republic, but maybe next time.
Carter: "Yeah, I mean, who's going? I might stop by."
Most Likely to Be Fired: David Blatt
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Alex: RIP
Carter: First line on the job resume: Fighter Pilot
Most Likely to Be Worth His Contract: Tristan Thompson
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Alex: Shout out to David.
Carter: *Embeds tweet from like, a year and a half ago where I said I didn't know who'd pay him more than $6-7M*
Most Likely to Be Mistaken as a Ballboy and Be Too Awkward to Say Anything So He Literally Does the Job of a Ballboy for an Entire Practice: Joe Harris
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Alex: Joe would do anything to not be traded.
Carter: We'll always have the night where he played 19 consecutive minutes to close a game.
Most Likely to Be Misused By Tyronn Lue: Timofey Mozgov
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Alex: In related news Timo is still seeing minutes in games!
Carter: I'm not sure Timo knows how to be used properly anymore.
Most Likely to Be President: LeBron James
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Alex: He's got the social media savvy of a presidential candidate, to be sure.
Carter: Zing. ^
Most Likely to Be Shawn Marion in Disguise: Richard Jefferson
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Alex: Being LeBron's backup is the Defense Against the Dark arts job of the NBA. Everyone who takes the job dies by the end of the year.
Carter: If anything, given Jefferson's mostly hairless state, wouldn't Shawn Marion be Richard Jefferson in disguise? It's a lot easier to go from Jefferson to Marion than from Marion to Jefferson.